userbest.com userbest.com
   Index Page :> About Us :> Security & Privacy :> ToS :> Add Url :> Submit Article
Search:   
Add URL
 

Online & Board Games

Shopping & Auction

Business & Services

Healthcare & Treatment

News & Media

Entertainment

Property & Estate

Outdoor & Sports

Computers & Software

Fashion & Lifestyle

Eating & Drinking

Travel & Vacation

Teens & Kids

Science & Research

Self Enhancement

Home Family & Garden

Academics & Education

Vehicles & Automotive

People & Communities

Creative Arts

Jobs & Employment

Health & Hygiene

Investment & Finance

Government & Politics


 

Index Page –› People & Communities –› Humor & Fun
 

Expert of Experts: Things HE Didn't Tell Neale About Reality

 

Author: Drew Kittinger

When you really do go looking for the One, you look for someone whos looking for the One herself because thats what you have in common. But what youre looking for isnt really there. Your search is directed toward phenomenal creatures that you believe have everything you want. So you mold yourself into what you think they think they want because theyre amazing creatures that couldnt possibly want less than an amazing creature themselves. They, in turn, are molding themselves into the amazing creature they think their amazing creature thinks he wants.

DK: What the hell is this'

Whazzat?

DK: Whats the deal? I sit down at the computer and theres something already on the screen. I didnt do this.

Did.

DK: Didnt.

Did, too!

DK: Last night?

What time does your computer say?

DK: 4:30 PM! OhMiGod, I slept through 4:20? Where the hell was I?

Right here.

DK: At the computer?

Yup.

DK: That makes no sense. I cant sit sleeping up.

Who are you kidding? You forget about High School and High Holy Days?

DK: Fine, I can sleep sitting up!

MTV.

DK: MTV? What the hell does that have to do with anything.

Youre losing the attention span it takes to explore new territory through old symbols. Youre so used to graphic depictions of real horrors youve become numb to the subtlety of beauty and discovery. You, as a society are hooked on this re-cycling thing, to the detriment of your current experience.

DK: Hold the boat just one second. I wasntWe werent talking about ... Just a damn minutere-cycling is a good thing!

In all ways except experience. You go to a movie and its a re-make of a movie. You turn on your radio and you listen to covers of music one or two generations back. All you talk about is whats popular, new, news and advertised and you do it on cell phones to disembodied voices who have no real presence in the environment that you once actually experienced but cannot anymore because youre too busy talking to someone whos not there about things that are happening at a somewhere else where neither of you are.

DK: Are you pissed at me or what?

How could I be? Im too busy trying to figure out ways to give you clues about who you are, in ways that you might be able to understand, through the tools you provide me.

DK: My sympathies. Can you example me?

Youre a writer?

DK: Only in the non-bold parts if I were to give myself full due. The hell with that, Man! Things are getting freakier. Okaylook, Im gonna take my hands away from the keyboard now.

Fine! Hows thisYes, Drew, there are such things as other dimensions where other beings exist who can come back and speak. And they are people who have been here before, and now want to teach us. The truth is, though, they are just a little more advanced than your kind, just a little. So if you really pay attention, what youll notice is what these disembodied spirits who speak through what you call a Channel go on and on about things that are just a notch above what you think you already know.

DK: Ive been to sessions like that before. They are extremely chatty those guys, and they sometimes make these ludicrous voice-tone changes that are almost embarrassing.

DK: Just a God-damned minute, and I mean a God-DAMNED minute! I didnt write that! I dont even know what ludicrous means, let alone know how to spell it! What are you doing with my hands'!!!

so, Drew

DK: Can I have my hands backPLEASE!

The bottom line is, they were people who were here

DK: This is downright Rude, you know, GIMME MY HANDS BACK!!!

DK: They WERE here, werent they? You know what? I bet they were just people who nobodyd listen to while they were alive, so now they

DK: k .,/ n--- o [] c ;;- k i =- t [-. o ;,[/ f /8 f

WOW! Good job with your feet, there! Im impressed.

DK: get to chat us all up, as long as they want, AND the Channel makes out like a bandit!

Spread th

DK: Thats IT! I absolutely refuse to spread the word about crap like that! Both of you are out of your freaking minds!

Easy does it, Drew...

DK: If you tell me to breathe, Im gonna vomit!

Youve got your hands back, Drew. Relax.

DK: Okay, okay. You seen my lighter?

Over there, by the bed, but be careful of that cord thereOh, Darn!! You okay?

DK: Ouch! That hurt. Manwhat a headache! I should never have mixed that absinthe with Scotch last night! Wait a minutewhats all this stuff on the screen? I didnt write this.

Ill let this argument slide, Drew. Just scroll down, ignore what was there before and lets pick up again where we left off.

DK: The hell I will! What is this'? What time is it? Geez, the suns coming up. It must be morning. Why am I sitting at the computer? I thought I was in bed.

You are in bed.

DK: RIGHT! This is all a dream.

Spread the Word!

Author Bio:

Drew Kittinger

Drew Kittinger, ShK (School of hard Knocks) consults consultants who want to consult consultants. This is not as easy as it may seem. Consultants are typically so sure they've got it figured out, they barely listen to themselves, let alone others.

So, he'll settle to be that "still, small voice" for the consulting and entrepreneurial world until someone actually listens to him, follows his instructions, gets rich and then becomes his Patron in which case, he'll shut up and let you get on with your work..

You can also reach this article by using: funny news, funny news stories, funny news articles, funny news headlines, current funny news
 
 
 

Related Articles

 
Real Men Love Jesus; Why is he Gay?
 
Victims of Hurricane Katrina - IRS Gives Tax Relief
 
How to Tell Alligators from Crocodiles
 
Just Dialogue 1
 
Hello New Orleans
 
Speed-Dating Diaries: The Jolly Green Giant
 
If I Threw an Armageddon, Would Anyone Come?
 
Festivals in Europe
 
To visit Spain's History...
 
Skidmarks - Everybody Gets 'Em
 
 
 
 

The Power of Humor

Humor is much more powerful than most men would think. It is among the most powerful "dating weapons ... - Martin Merrill
 

The Brady Bunch

The idea for the show was brewed up when creator/producer Sherwood Schwartz found that 20% to 30% of ... - Chad Koch
 

Master Change with These Four Simple Steps

Crisis is simply change trying to take place. Understand how to maintain focus and control during ch ... - Brian Tracy
 
 

Asian Women: Up For Grabs

The fetishization of Asian women has resulted in a situation where Asian men have been marginalized. - Ashley Kim Song
 

Can Work Ever Be Funny?

This article is a reminder that even work does not have to be always serious... - Peter Arkwright
 

Good Eats, Amazing Feats

I've got nothing against Chuck Norris. Or Vin Diesel. Or even Bill Brasky. - Charlie Hatton
 

Just Dialogue 1

Various situations where humor is present in the form of dialogue. - Andy Carloff
 

The Story of St Patrick

St. Patrick's Day is right around the corner, which got me wondering about St. Patrick himself. An e ... - Terry Black
 
 
   Index Page :> Security & Privacy :> ToS
© 2006-2008 www.userbest.com All Rights Reserved Worldwide.